I never want to be honest with my feeling. I don’t know why. Probably it’s because since I was a little I was told to not cry and to not show what I’m really are in the inside.
and I did.
Maybe that’s the reason I can’t tell this guy that I like have crush on since grade 8.
but who can hold my feeling?
Looking at him looking at another girl slice my heart a little. Looking at his smile is the only reason that I am still here right now, even though I’m not the one who made him smile.
that cuts me a little too.
This cuttings didn’t seem to hurt me physically because now I feel like he is the one who cause a big hole on my heart.
A big lump on my throat when I saw him kissing another girl on the hallway.
it’s the 4th girl on this week.
He is a playboy. A true definition of a guy who don’t want to be in a relationship and only accept one night stand.
I bet he won’t even remember the names of the girl he slept with.
But who am I to judge?
Because in the end, I am the girl who can only hide on the shadow and do nothing but write on my diary.
He hurt me today.
No, not physically. He don’t even know if I’m alive.
He kisses another girl on the hallway this morning. Sounds usual but not the way he looks at her.
Looks like he will never let her go.
Looks like he found what he has been looking for all this year.
It hurts me yes.
But who am I?
In the end, I am the girl who can’t express my feeling clearly and now I can only cry in silence because no matter how you see it, it is all my fault.
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© 2016 Litania Zhou