Puppet of Thoughts

She said she wanted a boyfriend, a company, a guy who will always be there for her, and I can only nods of those statements.

I love her but I don’t have guts to tell her my feelings because we are a close friend.

She told me her secrets and her struggles and I always there listening.

Being her punch bag when she need to release her anger,

Being her shoulder when she need to cry,

Being a person who she can call whenever she feels like to,

But what am I?

I am nothing more than the title ‘close friend’.

I don’t even sure if she see me as a guy because I think she don’t.

She treat me different from all of her best friend, making me to feel like I am more than all of them when in fact I am no different.

I’m amused because until now, after those crazy months of liking her, she still can’t hear my heartbeat even though I feel like my heart is going to rip my skin off.

Every beating of the heart echoes through the room but I guess it was nothing for her but a ticking clock.

She never realize that I’ve always been there for her and never leave her.

I understand her, I wait for her all this time like, just how?

I guess it is not obvious enough.

I guess I should told her my feeling so that this struggle inside my heart will stop.

But then I don’t have the guts to talk to her because I am too afraid to ruin our friendship.

 

Because I am just a puppet of my brain that whenever I saw her the only thing that I can think of is to get rid of this feelings.

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. Rob says:

    You have to risk one to risk the other, for how long can you stay in this angst? Just my humble thoughts

    Like

    1. Litania Zhou says:

      Thank you. That’s just exactly what I need, encouragement. I guess it’s better ‘regret’ than ‘what if’

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Rob says:

        I just think you going on this way is not healthy for you. What good is the friendship of its really not a friendship inside you?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Litania Zhou says:

        Thank you. Once again. That really helps me (:

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Rob says:

        Let me know what happens. If it doesn’t work it wasn’t meant to be and your friendship, of its strong enough, will evolve and survive! Ultimately you deserve to be happy!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Litania Zhou says:

        Oh I will. I will absolutely tell you what happen when it happen (:

        Liked by 1 person

  2. kyran says:

    You are absolutely lovely in every single way

    Like

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