FEELING #8

I‘m me. I’m just a stupid human being who don’t manage to say her feelings.

I said I wanted a call but I never talk and you were being annoyed by that but the truth is: I just want to hear you speak because I’m not a good ‘speaker’. I might be good at writing but not speaking in real life.

I get mad at you because of stupid little things when sometimes I just wanted to see either you were just like them  or you will come back and you did.

You say all of those sweet things and I just deny all of that because I know that it’s not true but I like it anyway when you say it because for once I can feel what it’s like to feel special.

The day you said ‘I love you’ is the day my world changes. You don’t know how I’m waiting for our late or early call more than usual but then I thought you were just playing so I told myself to don’t think about it to much.

I talked about you a lot that my best friend literally rolled their eyes to me.

Then you starting to say it repeatedly making me to think that you probably say it to others too.

You said you were jealous if I talked to another guy, I thought you were joking.

First you say you love me then you said ‘go find yourself a boyfriend’ which confused me ten thousand time more than math problem does.

What do you want me to do?

But today you said those things.

Those things that barely kills me.

I like you so so so so much and you should know that it’s true.

But I can’t stop thinking: we didn’t talk for 2 days already make me feel dying (read FEELING #7) and I feel pathetic for wanting you that bad that I’m actually scared of losing you.

I want to be with you but I’m afraid of break ups.

I told you that you were my first: what I’m trying to say is you were the first guy who actually likes me and say all of those things on my face. My ‘ex’ ask me to go out with them by a text while you actually (lets just say) speak face to face with me.

I never want to drop the ‘l’ word because I’m afraid.

I’m just a loser okay?

I like you so much A and now I don’t know what to do.

I’m too afraid of saying yes because I’m afraid that one day I will push you away and you will never come back like you always did because I’m that kind of person who can’t control my mood swings but I really do like you so much.

The answer will be yes and will always be yes.

I’ve liked you since forever and now that the time is here, I won’t be stupid enough to say no.

I like you
I like you
I like you
I like you

I can say that words for a thousand times and maybe one day I can actually say the ‘l’ word.

 

gosh I swear that is so cheesy and right now I’m covering my face because that is so embarrassing but I just wanted you to know that ‘that’ is my true feelings it’s not because of I feel bad or whatsoever but I really do like you and nothing can change that. I really want to try this but please understand all of my flaws: I mad at random things and being annoying, I didn’t want to talk or whatever: everything.

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